And the douche bag of the year award goes to…

The guy with a cart full of groceries who won’t let the person with one f*cking item go in front of him.

You all know who I’m talking about, I’m sure. The one who weaves between the display’s @ the front of the store, just to get to the line 2 seconds before you do. The one who pulls out a separate man purse full of coupons. Or my personal favorite, the WIC people. The ones who divide their cart full of groceries up into FOUR SEPARATE TRANSACTIONS, because WIC is whack and you can’t ring up like four transactions at once, they have to be done one at a fucking time. Yea, those are the assholes I’m talking about.

The one I got to deal with today is the first one. The “I’m so much more important than everyone else, so I’m going to push my way through these people just to get to the front of the line before they do.”

Now I will admit, I had a decent amount of groceries myself, but I was nice and let the people with only a few items go in front of me.I knew it was going to take me a while, and since I was by myself, I knew it was going to take me a while to get everything out of my cart and onto the conveyor belt, AND be done unloading in time to pay for everything.

The douche bag of the year two lanes over from me, however, wasn’t so nice. The girl behind him couldn’t be more than 18 or 19, with a kid balanced on one hip and a gallon of milk on the other. The kid was screaming to high hell, probably because mommy had just woken him up to do the responsible thing and not leave him in the car, but Mr. I’m too much of an asshole to let this chic in front of me was pretending like she didn’t exist.

So after I was done unloading, I did the only thing I could possibly think to do. I walked over to where she was, and as loud as I possibly could, said:

“I guess this douche bag thinks his shit doesn’t stink, so why don’t you come and go in front of me?”

And proceeded to turn around and go back to my lane, with Mr. My shit doesn’t stink glaring behind me. God I love being a bitch sometimes.


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