I couldn’t sleep last night

Joe and I have been going through some stressful times the last few weeks, and it’s just made me realize how lucky I am to have him. Lord knows I wouldn’t be handling all this so well if it wasn’t for him. But he can’t hold off the scary thoughts if he’s passed out cold when I’m having them, and last night fear and anxiety had me firmly in their grip. I couldn’t escape them, even in my dreams. I felt like I was a loser for not being able to find a job, like I didn’t deserve Joe because he’s too good for me. I came home today, exhausted from hardly sleeping last night, and passed out until almost 2 this afternoon. When I woke up, I realized a couple of things, and I’d like to share them with you:

1. Life doesn’t work the same for everyone. Sure the mechanics (i.e breathing, eating, etc.) are the same, but beyond that, everyone is different. What works for one person isn’t going to work for another, and I need to be okay with that, even if it means taking what I perceive to be a more difficult path.

2. My choices are just that, my choices. I can’t blame others for the things that have happened to me, because in some way or another, I made the choice that brought me to where I am today. I need to take responsibility and realize that just because something has happened to me doesn’t mean I have to let it define me. As many are fond of saying, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to those events. I haven’t been reacting so well is the problem.

3. The opinions of others SHOULD NOT matter to me. I realize that’s easier said than done, but I need to realize that an opinion is advice that I didn’t ask for, and what worked for that person isn’t necessarily going to work for me. While they may have my best interests at heart, they’re not me. I can take into consideration what they said, but in the end, I need to make the decision that is going to work best for me.

4. I need to realize that just because I wasn’t successful the first time around, doesn’t mean I won’t be successful this time around. I need to learn from what I did last time, and make the changes necessary to me being successful this time around.

5. Finally, I need to get up and get moving. Sitting here feeling sorry for myself isn’t doing me any good, and it sure as hell isn’t helping my current situation.


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